


That Doggone Magic

by SmileAndASong



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), Marvel
Genre: Dogs, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Mischief, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 10:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19060477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileAndASong/pseuds/SmileAndASong
Summary: Mischief and magic have turned Steve into a dog. A golden retriever, to be specific. And if there's one thing Tony Stark detests more than anything, it's magic.





	That Doggone Magic

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, there's not much to say about this one, other than that I love comparisons of Steve -- especially AA Steve -- to golden retrievers. So I decided to write something that takes that concept literally...sort of!
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd and was thrown together somewhat quickly, so any mistakes are my own!
> 
> Much love and thanks to my friends over at the AA 18+ Discord server for hosting this event and for always inspiring my muse for AA Steve/Tony. 
> 
> Happy anniversary Avengers Assemble <3

There’s something wet and slobbery on Tony’s cheek. And it’s licking him too.

Now Tony Stark is no stranger to waking up to a tongue pressed to his cheek, but this is the first time that his boyfriend of eight months, Steve Rogers, has greeted him in such a sensual fashion. 

And it’s _quite_ the way to start his day.

Tony smirks, scooting closer toward Steve’s side of the bed. “Mmm, someone woke up on the kinky side of the bed this morning…” Tony keeps his eyes closed as he grabs a fist full of Steve’s hair. It’s really soft, smooth as silk in between his fingers. Did Steve get a new shampoo? If so, it’s doing wonders for him. “Not that I’m complaining, but tell me, what brought this on?”

Steve grunts and pulls back, exhaling a smelly breath right in Tony’s face. 

Tony coughs and fans the air away. “Oh god, babe, your breath is awful. You wanna go and brush your teeth before we keep going?”

Steve huffs and goes right back to licking Tony’s face. 

Tony wants to object, but he can’t seem to find it in him to ask that hardworking, talented tongue to stop. “Alright, fine, you win. Just don’t breathe on me and we’ll be good, alright?” 

“Arf, arf!”

Tony freezes. Did Steve just...bark? 

He slowly opens his eyes, jumping when he’s not greeted by the sight of his amorous boyfriend, but a big, fluffy golden-retriever, panting and looking at him with a dopey expression.

“What the hell?” Tony winces as the dog licks his face again. “Where did you come from?”

The dog simply barks, and really, what the hell else was Tony expecting him to do? 

Clamoring to his feet, Tony throws on his robe and slippers. He walks out of the bedroom -- the dog following closely behind him -- and he heads to the kitchen, hoping to find Steve or some answers. Whichever he encounters first. 

Unfortunately, Steve's not there, but Clint, Sam, and Thor are. They’re all seated at the table, looking uncharacteristically stiff and nervous. And considering the jolly green giant is nowhere to be seen, Tony has his doubts that it’s due to another case of ‘Hulk deciding to cook breakfast for the team’.

“What’s going on here?” Tony asks, his voice demanding.

“Uh, nothing! Nothing’s going on here!” Sam responds immediately, shifting anxiously in his seat. “We’re just eating breakfast, Tony.”

Tony blinks at the bare table. “Really? Well, call me crazy, but doesn’t eating breakfast usually involve, you know, food?” 

Clint laughs nervously. “Haha, yeah, it sure does! Sam meant that we’re going to make breakfast--”

“--Soon!” Sam interrupts. “But not now...because we’re not hungry. Not yet! But soon.”

“Aye, aye!” Thor agrees. “Soon.”

Tony raises a suspicious brow and looks at them dubiously. “...okay? Anyway, I’ve got some questions that need answers: first, have you guys seen Steve? And second--” Tony points at the dog beside him. “--can any of you explain how this got into my bedroom?”

They’re all quick to look away; Sam starts to sweat profusely, Clint whistles, and Thor’s gripping the table so tight that Tony’s surprised it hasn’t crumbled from the pressure yet. 

They’re clearly up to something, but Tony’s in no mood to play any games. Time for the big guns.

“Answer my questions or I’m going to change the wifi password -- and I won’t tell any of you what it is!” Tony threatens, a solemn look on his face to show that he means business. 

Immediately, they all look up at him with genuine fear in their eyes. Sheesh, and Steve thought he was bad with the tech addiction!

“Alright, alright, we’ll talk!” Clint concedes, throwing his hands up in defeat. “We’ve seen Steve...and so have you, actually.”

Tony’s brows furrow together. “What are you talking about? I haven’t seen Steve.”

“No, you have, Tony--” Sam points a shaky finger at the dog. “--he’s right next to you.”

It couldn’t be. 

It was just a random dog who liked him a lot. Who somehow got into his and Steve’s locked bedroom. And refused to leave his side. And couldn’t stop licking him, much like how Steve could never seem to stop kissing him. 

But still, not Steve. Nope, nope, absolutely not.

“Very funny, guys,” Tony says, gently pulling his now slimy hand away from the dog’s mouth. “Now, who wants to tell me where Steve really is?”

“Aye, he speaks the truth, Stark,” Thor says, both looking and sounding remorseful. “‘Tis the doing of my brother Loki! He broke into tower earlier this morning whilst you slept, hungry for revenge on the Captain for how he had bested his scheme last week! I tried to stop him, but he got away before I could, his mischief already accomplished.” Thor gestures to the ‘mischief’, or rather, the dog.

“What? Loki gatecrashes the Tower, _my_ Tower, and nobody thinks to tell me?” Tony glances up at the ceiling. “JARVIS, why didn’t you alert me about this?”

“Loki used his magic to temporarily halt my systems, sir,” JARVIS says, somehow sounding apologetic, despite the robotic voice. “I’ve only just managed to come back online.”

Magic, of course it had to be magic. Tony _hates_ magic.

Tony takes a deep breath and pinches his brow, looking down at the dog as he flops down and exposes his belly. He barks at Tony, as if he’s politely asking for a rub. 

He bites his lip, hesitating, but quickly obliges and gives the elated dog the attention he seeks. This _is_ still his boyfriend, after all. “Do we know where Loki went off to?”

Sam shakes his head. “No, but we’re working on it. Loki’s a tough guy to track down.”

“But fear not, friend!” Thor exclaims. “We shall venture to Asgard and seek the help of my father. If anyone can track down Loki, it’s the Allfather.” Thor rises to his feet, a determined look on his face. “Let us make haste, gentleman! Breaking the fast shall have to wait -- the Captain needs us!”

Thor skipping breakfast? Man, he is taking this seriously!

“Now we’re talking.” Tony stands back up, and Dog Steve whimpers as the rub ceases. “Let me just get my armor, and then we can--”

Clint cuts him off before he can finish. “Woah, you can’t come! You need to stay here with Steve.”

Sam nods. “He’s right, Tony. It’s too risky bringing Steve along, what with him being so…hairy. And we can’t exactly leave him here on his own either. What if he gets out?”

“Alright, fine, point made,” Tony stubbornly agrees. “But why do I have to be the doggy sitter?” 

“I don’t know, maybe because he’s your boyfriend?” Clint says, rolling his eyes.

Sam offers a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, you can still punch Loki in the face when we bring him back here to reverse the spell.” 

“And what am I supposed to do with him all day?” Tony says dramatically. “It’s not like we can do what we normally would, considering he’s one basketball short of friggin’ Air Bud!”

Clint smirks. “Hey, who says you can’t? If anything he’s probably a waaaaay better french kisser like this.”

Tony could tell Clint that he, unfortunately, knows from experience that Steve is not a better kisser like this -- dog breath, eugh -- but that would mean openly admitting how he had woken up this morning, and yeah, he’s good with forgetting that entirely.

Instead, he glares coldly at the three of them, and they scamper off with sudden urgency, likely fearful of Tony threatening to take their cable and video games away too. 

He’s definitely considering it.

Once alone, Tony glances down at the dog -- Steve -- who is licking a questionable looking stain off the floor, his tail up and wagging, and not seeming distressed in the slightest about being a dog. A very cute and fluffy one, but still, a dog. 

Tony sighs heavily. It’s going to be a long day.

XXXXX

On his eighth birthday, Tony asked his father for a puppy. Howard had scoffed at the humble request and told Tony that a dog would be “too much work for him”.

Tony seldom admits it -- and he hates doing it -- but damn, his father was right. Dogs were exhausting as hell.

Even after eleven games of fetch, a long walk where he chased every single squirrel in Central Park, and an unauthorized trip to Tony’s closet that resulted in the destruction of half a dozen Italian leather loafers, Dog Steve _still_ has energy.

The perky retriever drops a sopping tennis ball in Tony’s lap for what feels like the millionth time and barks loudly. 

Tony groans and sinks further into the couch. “No more fetch, we’ll play later.”

But Dog Steve’s not taking no for an answer; he grunts and nudges the ball closer to Tony with his nose. 

“Steve, no, not now,” Tony says, his voice sterner this time.

Dog Steve whimpers and puts his head in Tony’s lap. He looks at him with big, sad eyes, and Tony’s resolve is instantly thwarted. It’s hard enough to say no to Steve’s figurative puppy dog eyes, but literal ones? He doesn’t stand a chance. 

Grudgingly, Tony takes the ball and lazily tosses it across the living room. Dog Steve bolts after it, nearly slipping and losing his traction in the process. He retrieves the ball and starts to bring it back, but pauses at the sound of the elevator arriving, his ears perking up with interest. 

“We’re back!” Sam greets as he steps out of the elevator, Clint and Thor following behind him. But no Loki. Great.

“I’m seeing one less Asgardian than I should,” Tony grumbles, watching as Dog Steve enthusiastically greets his fellow Avengers by jumping on each of them, much to their dismay. 

They should be glad he’s not peeing on the floor like he had when the pizza delivery guy came by earlier with lunch. 

“Yeah, about that…” Clint tugs at the collar of his shirt. “Even with the old dude’s help, we still couldn’t find Loki.”

“Clearly,” Tony says dryly. “Well, did you at least get any leads on where he might’ve gone off to?”

“Nay,” Thor says, but he smiles encouragingly. “But do not fret, Loki shall inevitably turn up. His thirst for mischief knows no bounds! I’m certain we’ll see him in a week, maybe a year or two.”

“A _year_?” Tony exclaims.

“Yes, Loki has been known to disappear for quite some time. His record is two-hundred and thirty-four years!” Thor says, sounding almost proud of that horrifying fact.

“But Steve can’t be a dog for two-hundred and thirty-four years!” Tony cries. “He’s my boyfriend, and I can’t exactly--”

“--bone him like this?” Clint quips, snickering obnoxiously.

“You know what, yes, Clint, that’s exactly what I want to do! Sue me! But I _can’t_!” Tony snaps, finally reaching his breaking point. “I don’t want a dog, I want a boyfriend! _My_ boyfriend, _my_ Steve. I want him to hold me in his arms. I want to see his beautiful smile! I want him to kiss me without it tasting like toilet water! I want to talk to him, hear his perfect voice—“

“Tony, I’m home!”

“Yes, just like that!” 

Wait, what?

Tony halts his rant and looks over his shoulder, and low and behold, it’s Steve! And he's _walking_ , on two legs and with no tail in between them!

“Steve!” Tony rushes over and throws himself into his arms, peppering his smooth, hairless face with fervent kisses.

“Well hello to you too,” Steve says, sounding amused and smiling wider after each kiss. “Gosh, Tones, you act like you haven’t seen me in a hundred years. I was just at the—” He pauses, his face lighting up as he notices something. “Hey, whose dog is that?”

Tony looks over to where Steve is and sees Dog Steve. Still very much there and blissfully licking away at his own crotch. 

It doesn’t take a genius — even though he is one — to figure out what’s going on here. He scowls and whips his head around toward his fellow Avengers, who are all keeling over with laughter.

“Got you! We got you good!” Clint says in between his laughs. “Oh man, you shoulda seen the look on your face! JARVIS, did you get that?”

“Transcribing the video as we speak, Mr. Barton,” JARVIS responds immediately.

“JARVIS! how could you betray me like this, I made you!” Tony says, affronted.

“It was to fulfill Thor’s wish to successfully pull off an April Fool’s prank, sir,” JARVIS states matter-of-factly. 

“It’s _August_!” Tony shouts.

Thor claps a hand on Tony’s back, his laughter finally subsiding. “Aye, but the spirit of the holiday lives on in our hearts all year!”

“Actually, I think that’s supposed to be Christmas,” Sam says, looking at the fuming genius with worried eyes. “But uh, yeah, it was just a joke. No hard feelings...right Tony?”

Tony takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. “I’m going to count to three. And when I open my eyes again, you guys better be out of my sight. Unless you want to find out what it’s like to be thrown out the window of a hundred and ten story building.” 

“One.”

He hears a nervous squeak. It sounds like Sam.

“Two.”

He hears clumsy, fast-moving footsteps clattering off in the opposite direction.

“Three.”

He hears nothing. And when he opens his eyes, he sees nothing, save for Steve giving nice pets to a very happy-looking puppy. 

The pranksters may have narrowly averted defenestration, but Tony’s _definitely_ changing the wifi password. And maybe hiding the Playstation for awhile, too.

Steve looks at Tony, an amused look in his eye. “You really thought this dog was me, huh?” 

“Hey, in my defense, you are the human embodiment of a golden retriever.” Tony kneels down, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. “And he did act a lot like you, save for the whole sniffing everyone’s ass thing.”

“Actually, I did that on my morning run last week,” Steve jokes lamely. 

Tony rolls his eyes. “And to think I was over here missing you. At least if you were a dog, you wouldn’t be able to make such horrible jokes.”

“Oh please, you love them,” Steve insists, chuckling as Tony stares at him doubtfully. He turns back to Dog Steve, smiling fondly. “You know, I _have_ always wanted a dog…” 

Tony opens his mouth to protest, but before he can get a single word out, Steve is giving him those damn puppy dog eyes. And so is the actual puppy.

With their powers of cuteness combined, Tony knows he is utterly helpless. 

He sighs frustratedly, but softens up as he looks into the sweet puppy eyes. The actual ones, that is. “Alright, fine, we can keep him.” Both Steve and Dog Steve beam with delight. “But you have to walk him! He damn near ripped my arm off when I did it today.”

“I can do that.” Steve scratches behind the dog’s floppy ear, eliciting a happy little grunt. “What should we name him?”

“Well, he already responds to Steve,” Tony says, and the dog proves his point by looking up when he says it. “And why fix what isn’t broken?”

“Hey, no arguments here.” Steve draws Tony closer, smiling at him. “After all, ‘Steve’ is a pretty great name.”

Tony laughs. “Yeah, it sure is.”

Steve kisses him softly on his left cheek, and Dog Steve kisses — or slobbers — his right one. 

Despite the small puddle of foul-smelling dog drool on his face, Tony smiles brightly, more than content to bask in the warm, loving affection of his two perfect golden retrievers.


End file.
